Audra's Discontent
by KeDe
Summary: Why is Audra so blue? Can Victoria help?


Even after her brothers had left the breakfast table, Audra and Victoria remained there, sipping their coffee.

"What are your plans today, Audra?" Victoria asked.

Audra didn't respond. What could she say? My plans today are the same as they were yesterday, and the many days before that, and tomorrow? Instead she sighed – a clear sign to her mother that she was annoyed.

Victoria sat down her cup. "What's wrong?"

"Everything!" Audra exclaimed.

Victoria arched her brows, surprised at the vehemence in her daughter. She had noticed Audra moping about, but Audra had done that before when something was on her mind. As usual, Victoria's first instinct was to run to her children's aid no matter how old they were. However, as they got older she fought against this impulse. This time Victoria had decided not to pry so that Audra would have the space to work out whatever issues she was having. However, by the preoccupied look on Audra's face, she had not yet worked out whatever it was that was bothering her. Now Victoria was thinking that perhaps she should have intervened sooner. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"It's not fair!"

Victoria tried not to show her annoyance at this cat and mouse game that it seemed Audra was intent on playing. "What's not fair, dear?"

"That men get to do whatever they want and women don't!"

"Just what are you getting at, Audra?" Victoria asked, not at all sure she wanted to hear the answer.

Audra now fixed her eyes on Victoria, a determined clench in her jawline. "I know that when my dear brothers go into town, it's not just to play cards!"

Victoria frowned, becoming increasingly uneasy with where this conversation was going.

"Don't try and deny it, Mother."

"I haven't responded to your comment, so I don't see how I could be denying anything. Why don't you just come out and say what's on your mind?"

Audra huffed and turned her head.

"Why are you angry with your brothers?"

Audra thought for a moment. "I'm not angry with them … well, I kinda am. They treat me like a child or a precious ornament –"

Victoria smiled. They had had this conversation before. This should be easy. "They care about your well being. We all only want the best for you."

"How is it that you all can say what's best for me without asking me?"

"We're older, therefore we're more experienced. You're just restless. It will pass as usual."

"Those women they see in town—"

Victoria flushed. "What women are those?"

"I don't know, Mother, but please don't pretend. Do their mothers find them as precious as you all find me?

The direction this conversation was headed now made Victoria very uncomfortable. She chose her words carefully. "Your brothers, like you, were raised to be respectful, to respect yourselves, and to only associate with respectable people. I believe you all have honored your upbringing."

Audra fixed her gaze on her mother's face. "What about the saloon women? Are they respectable?"

"Some of them probably are," Victoria said, not daring to look away and thus confirm Audra's suspicions. "We don't know why some women end up working in a saloon. We shouldn't judge."

Audra now looked away. She pulled the pink flower from small crystal vase on the table and sniffed it. "I'm not judging. I'm curious is all."

"Is that the type of woman you want to be?" Although it pained her to do so, Victoria thought by shaming Audra, her precious daughter would realize how silly she was being.

Audra now concentrated on twirling the stem of the flower between her fingers. She did not look at her mother. "What type of woman is that, Mother?"

"Certainly not the type you were raised up to be."

Audra now focused her attention on her mother's face. "Why is it okay for men – my brothers for example – to keep company with women of ill repute and I …"

"You can't keep company with men of ill repute?"

"No!" Audra said, clearly frustrated. "Why can't I see different men?"

To buy herself a moment, Victoria sipped her coffee. It was now cold. She grimaced. "Is there someone in particular you're referring to?"

"No, Mother, there isn't. It's just that I'm bored. I want more out of life than just sitting around the house."

"Sitting around with your old mother?" Victoria said, somewhat relieved but hurt at the same time. Hurt that Audra had outgrown her company. Relieved that it was only boredom. Boredom she could deal with.

"No, Mother, I don't mean that. I love spending time with you. It's just that it not fair that my brothers have more fun than I do."

Victoria smiled. "All three of your brothers work extremely hard and deserve to kick up their heels every once in a while. As women, we get to enjoy the fruits of their labor."

"Is that what happens when we become wives?" Audra immediately regretted saying this as she saw her mother's face cloud.

"You mean your father?" Victoria asked quietly, looking off into the distance.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't mean to bring that up."

Victoria smiled weakly then looked at her daughter. "Well, it's fair game. I don't approve of the extramarital affair your father had. It hurts me more that I could ever hope to explain…"

"We don't have to talk about it," Audra said. "Actually, I wasn't thinking about it at all. It's just that I want more out of my life than what's going on right now."

"You have a good life, Audra, and a good name. Don't take either of them for granted."

Audra knew her life was good as far as material things went. She could buy any material thing she wanted. But the name thing was troubling her. What made the Barkley name so respected? Was it because the Barkleys had accumulated a lot of wealth over the years? As much as she or any of the rest of them wanted to not talk about it, Tom Barkley had cheated on their mother, who had been home keeping house and home together while he was supposed to be out working. Didn't this cheating sully the Barkley name? Audra wasn't sure if she was ready for this question to be answered. However, she did know that she would never ask her mother.

"Audra," Victoria finally said, "there's no need to rush head on into life. Take your time to find the right man. He's out there. Don't waste yourself on just anyone…"

Audra was insulted. "I have no intention of wasting myself on anyone!"

Victoria quietly breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad to hear that. We raised you to be a lady and that's what we expect you to remain: A lady."

Audra wasn't ready to let the matter of her brothers travels into town go unchallenged. "What about my brothers?"

"What about them?"

"The women that they see in town?"

"How do you know they see women in town?" Victoria realized she was now the one playing cat and mouse as she stalled for time to figure out how best to have this conversation with Audra.

"Those saloon women? Are they ladies?"

"Do you know for certain that either of your brothers spends any time with saloon women?"

"Well, no, not exactly…"

"My point exactly."

"Were they raised to be gentlemen?"

"Of course."

Audra couldn't help herself: "What makes a gentleman, Mother? I'm confused."

"Audra, you seem intent on comparing the way men behave to the way women behave. There just is no comparison."

"Why?"

"There just isn't," Victoria said, fighting not to show frustration. "The best I can explain, honey, is that it's a man's world. Their opinion of how everyone conducts themselves are the rules by which we live. It may not seem fair to you or to me or to most women, but that's just the way it is."

Audra crossed her arms across her chest. "That really isn't fair. I hope I live long enough to see those stupid rules changed!"

"I hope you do too, darling, but in the meantime, please don't do anything impulsive just to prove you can."

One thing Audra did not want to do was to disappoint her mother. However, she knew that she could not rest until she figured out how to balance the scales – if not for women, then somehow, in favor of herself.

End of chapter 1

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